project frankie

making the life I want…

13 Aug 2012
20 Comments

raising the dead

   

I was dead….at least I felt like it.  Dead on the inside.

Now I’m not.

A funny thing happened on my long service leave.  I had intended for it to be a ‘health spa’ of sorts.  Eating healthy and exercising every day…making a start on my whole new ‘lifestyle’.  None of that happened.  I lay around, snuggled with the cats, and for the last two weeks (school holidays) with the kids, while Perth had a cold spell.

I ate donuts and watched DVD’s.  I read.  I googled…I thought about…stuff.

I also started taking vitamin D.

I’d suspected for some time that I had a vitamin D deficiency, but had never done anything about it.  I’d even read that vitamin D deficiency might be the cause of Fibromyalgia.  I don’t know WHY I didn’t do anything about it.  But, now I have.  I started taking 5000iu of vitamin D about 1 week into my holidays.  After 3 weeks..I felt like a different person, and after 5 weeks….

Life doesn’t scare me anymore.  I don’t dread social events.  I’m saying ‘yes’ again to family and friends.  The walls I put up are coming down and I am stepping WAY out of my comfort zone.

For those of you that don’t know via Facebook…I have signed up to play ROLLER DERBY.

YES.

I’m back!!  When I added ‘Bring back Skater Girl’ to my Big 5-0 List I never intended it to go this far.  I just wanted to get the skates back on and go for a whirl.  Now I’ve signed up with WA Roller Derby and start training this week!!  I’m just fucking doing it!

I’ve started blogging about my new adventure HERE .  Check it out!

I also went and got laid.  I’ll write about that later :P (M-m-m-manflesssshhhhh)

I don’t know who this person is…but I like her :)

Posted in adventure, health & fitness and tagged , , , , , ,
08 Jul 2012
17 Comments

things boys said – episode 1 : the forehead

So, as I mentioned in my last post, I still feel very fragile where my ‘boyfriend before last’ is concerned.  I don’t feel fragile at all about the one after him (Nerd Guy)…no feelings there whatsoever.

The two of them could not possibly have been more different, physically, intellectually, financially..but they did have one thing in common – both those c*nts successfully drove my self-esteem so far into the ground that it’s still down there.  It’s the lowest it’s ever been.   ESPECIALLY number 2.  He seemed to want to go out of his way to make me feel as uncomfortable about myself as possible.

When I look back, I cringe.  Why did I not see the red flags?

So, in an attempt to get it all out of my system for good, I’ve decided to make fun of them…as-is-my-want.

I made a little movie.  No names have been used, to protect the guilty.

Enjoy!

Posted in love, random and tagged , , ,
07 Jul 2012
5 Comments

a life of wonder

I’m happy you know.  I really am.

A couple of people were concerned I was sad, and I guess that’s a reasonable conclusion, as I have stated that I suffer from depression/anxiety.

Thing is..it’s not your typical depression.  It’s called ‘atypical depression’.

Sure, it’s still all about fucked up brain chemicals but it’s not a ‘mood disorder’ for me.  (google atypical depression if you are interested).  The doctor knew I was ‘depressed’ but if you assessed me for your typical depression, I really didn’t tick many of the boxes.   My life is still one of laughter and wonder.  I’m rarely in a down mood…and I mean RARELY.  I get excited…a LOT.  I find the funny in everything.  My work days are just one laugh after another.  I still have dreams and hopes and aspirations.  It’s my body (controlled by my brain chemicals) that keep messin’ with me.

My body is depressed.  I’m slow….I eat…a LOT (as opposed to other types of depression where you can actually lose your appetite).  My arms and legs feel like lead (leaden paralysis).  THIS is a fucking pain in the arse!

I’ve had it for a few years but the leaden paralysis didn’t start up until last year when I split with my blogger boyfriend (about 18 months ag0).  It comes and goes now but it makes regular exercise a bit difficult.  I haven’t lost strength, it just feels like my limbs are disconnected from my body.  It’s a mind fuck people!!!

The break-up – that was really the last time I cried out of sadness (and there’s still a scar in my heart that can crack open at the slightest knock…gotta work on that one!  - and I’ve had the occasional cry about him over that time) but apart from THAT – I’m content….positive…happy, and am still utterly convinced that the best is still to come!

Seriously :)

Posted in beauty, it's all about me, knowledge and tagged , , , ,
01 Jul 2012
8 Comments

pinching and punching

So it’s the first day of a new month (pinch and a punch dudes!)  and exactly halfway through 2012.

I’ve not blogged for AGES so I thought I’d do a mid-year update as to where I’m at.

2012 was always going to be the year I get my health back.  It’s half way through and am I half way there?  Kinda.  There’s been a learning curve that has taken up a LOT of this year already but now that I’ve spent several months on trial and error, I think the pace is gonna pick up for the rest of the year.

I’m not talking about superficial shit like the size of my arse, it’s about pain.  The pain that keeps me from living my unlived life.  And, the depression/anxiety that comes with that pain. It still controls me.  I cancel appointments/events because I am afraid it will be too hard.  I don’t see friends….I’ve successfully isolated myself to the point that I only ever see people from work.  But I think I’m coming out of it.

My gorgeous chiro (a fifth year student at the university I work at) has done wonders for me (although I’m sure she gets frustrated with my lack of adherence to my rehab exercises – my bad).  She really does care about my health and well being.  So much so, that she recently applied for me to pay a special rate..only $12 a session (which includes manipulation and soft tissues work) TWELVE FRIKKIN DOLLARS!  She said the she never wanted me to put my health second and put off an appointment or not come in because I didn’t have the money.  I LUVS HER.

Anyway…

My neck has been slowly improving over the last few months and we’re now concentrating on my core and shoulder.  Spanner in the works is always my ribs (costochondritis) which, if I throw them out, fucks EVERYTHING else.  Like an idiot, I tried some push ups the other week and I’m still feeling the pain, deep in my right side.  Fuckity fuck fuck.

But, luckily I realised I was due for long service leave so I’m currently 1 week into 4 weeks off work.  The first week was a lot of fucking around, getting some paperwork done, buying a couple of things and sorting the kids out.  I also started back on my grain/gluten/sugar free diet (yeah I’d gone off the rails for a while) and I’m feeling so much better for it.

Going to use the rest of my time off to set up some good habits and get my fatigue/pain levels at such where I can work a day and not come home needing pain killers.  That’s all…not much.  Lots of resistance band rehab and good eating should do it.  I hope :-/

I’ve got lots of WAY more fun stuff to write about but I’ll post later in the week about that :)

2012 Part 2….I’m ready!

Posted in health & fitness, knowledge and tagged , , , , , ,
13 May 2012
13 Comments

glorious sleep

Good morning, and happy Mother’s Day my lovelies.

Ok..

Today I just had to talk about the awesome quality sleep I’ve been getting lately.

Sleep has been a major problem for me for the last 20 years, since I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia.  It’s probably one of the most life altering symptoms of the condition, apart from the pain.  Something in the FM sufferer’s brain stops them going into full Stage 4 sleep. Stage 4 is the deep, restorative sleep we all need.  It’s when we produce growth hormones and repair.

For the past few years, getting out of bed has been one of the most unpleasant times of day.  Imagine waking up every day feeling hungover.  That’s what it’s like.  Tired, groggy, seedy…it’s a really soul destroying start to the day, especially when you know your day is going to be full of pain.

But, for the past few months I’ve been doing a lot of research on paleo nutrition and the paleo/primal lifestyle in general.  One of the things the paleo advocates talk about is improving sleep quality.  They talk about always sleeping in a darkened room, turning off all technology a few hours for bed…that sort of thing.

Now..me?  I’ve been going to sleep with the TV on for as long as I can remember.  It’s not on all night, it’s just set to turn off after an hour or two.  It’s been the only way I could get to sleep.  Yeah, my problem isn’t just quality of sleep, but actually getting to sleep has been difficult.  Also, if I wake up in the night it’s been near impossible to get back to sleep again.

So, I started turning the TV off.  Actually I’m not even turning it on some nights.  It was weird at first, trying to get to bed in complete silence, so I started listening to podcasts on my phone.   At this stage it was still taking me a while to get to sleep.  After a couple of weeks I tried to leave the TV on one night, as I was watching a movie.  However, it annoyed the crap out of me!  I had to turn it off… ahhh sweet silence and black.  I was cured!

Now I just….go to bed and turn off the light….and sleep.  I’m waking feeling more refreshed than I have done in YEARS.  That, along with some home massage tricks before bed to keep knotty muscles at bay has seen my mornings transformed from the crappiest time of the day to….. something nice :)

Yikes..gotta run.  The guinea pigs haven’t been fed I can hear them trashing their cage!

Bye x

Posted in health & fitness and tagged , , ,

Post Navigation

← Older Entries